Marriages Destructive Behaviors Unknown to Couples


Marriages are complex relationships that require constant nurturing and understanding. However, many couples may be unaware of the subtle destructive behaviors creeping in, ultimately leading to marital breakdowns. Drawing inspiration from the biblical Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, we explore the parallel disruptive behaviors capable of causing havoc in marriages. This blog aims to inform and empower couples with insights into identifying and resolving these damaging patterns, securing the longevity of their relationship.

  • The Horseman of Criticism:

Similar to its biblical counterpart, criticism can poison a marriage if left unaddressed. Constantly fault-finding and attacking the character of one’s spouse can erode the foundation of love and respect. Couples must recognize when constructive feedback turns into harmful criticism – focusing on specific actions, and events rather than attacking personal worth.

  • The Horseman of Defensiveness:

When criticism enters a relationship, defensiveness can often ride alongside it. Reacting with excuses, refusing to take responsibility, or counter-attacking the spouse only fuels the negativity. Couples must learn to develop a culture of mutual openness and vulnerability, fostering an environment where defensiveness finds no foothold.

  • The Horseman of Stonewalling:

Stonewalling manifests when one partner disengages, walks away or shuts down emotionally in response to conflict. It involves withdrawing from conversations, giving silent treatment, or physically leaving the room. Stonewalling impedes effective communication and leaves the other partner feeling ignored and invalidated. Couples should actively work on creating a safe space for both parties to express their feelings, ensuring issues are addressed and resolved rather than dismissed.

  • The Horseman of Contempt:

Contempt, the most destructive horseman, signifies a deep-rooted disrespect towards one’s spouse. Mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling, or extended bouts of anger all indicate contempt. When contempt becomes the norm, it erodes any affection and connection between partners. Employing empathy, fostering appreciation, and expressing gratitude is vital in combating contempt and fostering an atmosphere of love and mutual support.

Strategies for Resolving the Apocalypse

Recognizing and addressing the presence of these destructive behaviors is the first step toward restoring harmony in a marriage. Here are some practical strategies to counter the four horsemen:

  1. Practice active listening and effective communication, focusing on specific events or issues rather than attacking the person.
  2. Cultivate emotional intelligence to prevent defensiveness, promoting accountability and constructive problem-solving.
  3. Encourage empathy by actively seeking to understand each other’s perspectives and emotions, combating stonewalling tendencies.
  4. Foster a culture of respect and admiration, expressing appreciation for each other’s strengths, and reducing the likelihood of contempt.

Remember, a strong marriage requires continuous effort, understanding, and a willingness to confront and resolve these disruptive behaviors. Seeking professional help, such as couples therapy, can empower couples with tools to overcome these challenges if necessary.


By utilizing the symbolism of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, it becomes easier to identify the destructive behaviors impacting marriages. Empowering couples with this knowledge will enable them to recognize and address these patterns head-on. Remember, no marriage is free from challenges, but through conscious efforts, couples can build a solid foundation of love, respect, and understanding, resisting the destructive forces that threaten their relationship’s longevity.


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