Beyond Silence: Men Must Speak to Heal
This post unpacks the deep cultural roots behind this silence, the heavy toll it takes, and how therapy, grounded in the African experience, creates a safe space for men to unlearn, unpack, and heal.
Sex Does Not Bring Babies
As I reminisce
on the journey of being married for 17 years, my mind swept to a particular incident in the early days of our marriage.
on the journey of being married for 17 years, my mind swept to a particular incident in the early days of our marriage.Like some couples, we decided not to sweat over having babies in the first or second year of our marriage, the reason was to extend our honeymoon phase.
It just seems like a perfect plan for both of us. However, there came a tweak for me after a few nights of sexual intimacy.
I began to secretly desire a baby. This myth that “the first sexual encounter of a virgin leads to pregnancy” begins to play in my head.
Typically, when you have a thought, your mind will be looking for shreds of evidence to collaborate the thoughts line and I finally found one.
One of my closest friends that we got married a week apart, called me a month after her wedding that she was a month pregnant
. In clearer terms, she said she got pregnant on her wedding night and since she married as a virgin, it just kind of made the myth sounds true.
. In clearer terms, she said she got pregnant on her wedding night and since she married as a virgin, it just kind of made the myth sounds true.This made me wonder why I was an exception 
. This incident triggered anxiety in me for a few months for no real cause.
. This incident triggered anxiety in me for a few months for no real cause.Fast track years after, I realized that:
Sex Doesn’t Produce Babies. If it were, every sexual experience should result in babies. The only constant factor in having babies is God. That is how babies come to be, not because a virgin just had sex for the first time.
Your Timing Differs from Another. The direct translation of this in my dialect is “you cannot work by someone else’s watch”. You don’t have a similar destiny. You are different here on earth for different purposes.
Maybe you already know that by now, but there are many misconceptions similar to the one I shared above and it has been the source of struggles and challenges that people have to deal with in life & relationships.
The decisions you make in marriage are what determine how your stay in marriage will be
The big things don’t count as much as the small things that are done consistently.
Successful relationships thrive on daily deeds. Successful couples make rituals of connection exciting to live by. No boredom, no sweat, just making daily living meaningful as couples.
May Your Relationship Thrive
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